AKA "The Writing Woman"
The overhead lights in the hallway started flickering again a couple of weeks ago. This hasn’t happened in a while, not a long while. When Rick first died, the ceiling lights in the kitchen started to flicker one night. I was washing dishes and could see them flickering out of the corner of my eye,…
My years as a married woman continue to fade into the past and I’ve become accustomed to being single again. I no longer expect Rick to be here when I get home. I can’t count on him for the numerous things I used to: cooking for me, lifting heavy objects, cuddling, dancing. He’s no longer…
So often now, in the midst of happiness, I’ll feel this gloom settle over me. I know right away that it’s not a “random” sadness; it’s definitely Rick-related. I feel those tears just below the surface, a very mild form of the horrible grief I had shortly after losing him, but it builds every day…
Sunday afternoons used to be my favorite time of the week. Sunday afternoons on a chilly, gloomy fall day (as much as I HATE the approaching winter) were even better. Right about now, Rick would be ready for a nap. He would’ve just wrapped up some work on the website for one of our clients…
I heard the news, and then I cried A boy I used to love has died We were just teens the night we met No boy had ever kissed me yet So long ago and far away He smiled at me and made my day He held my hand, he kissed my face I followed…
You know that awkward teen phase where you’re trying to come to terms with who you are, how you fit in the world, what you want to be when you grow up? That’s me at 62. I’m a mature woman (well, according to my son, and many of my closest friends, that may not always…
Today is Rick‘s birthday. At this stage, I’m experienced enough with grief to know that I need to take a little time by myself before I try to venture out into public. Even two-year-old grief needs a time and a place to be released. So I stayed in bed this morning, my last vacation day…
The second anniversary of Rick’s death is Tuesday. In some ways, I can’t believe it’s been two years. In others, it feels like he’s been gone for ages. My life has changed so much since he was here, including finally acknowledging that I’m single again. Dating other men is surreal. How can this be? I…
Sitting poolside On this hot July day Basking in the sun, Eyes closed against the strong rays Two years here alone Two summers without you A lifetime between then and now But I find I’m… Still waiting Still waiting to hear the back door slam You, back from your bicycle ride Still waiting to feel…
Rick and I were married on July 12, 1997. He died one month after our twentieth anniversary. This Friday will mark the second time I’ve spent our anniversary alone. In a way, it’s almost the third time, because on our last anniversary together in 2017, he was pretty sick and often mentally confused, so our…