Yesterday marked 17 months since my husband died. So much has changed in my life since then. I’ve grieved, and grieved, and grieved some more. I’ve worked through the grief, written through the grief, talked to my grief counselor, cried on the shoulders of family and friends, and – to be honest – I’m really, really tired of grieving. Shouldn’t … Read the blog
Category: Prose
On the Cusp of a New Life
I’m on the cusp of a new life, but it’s difficult to leave the old one behind. And, if I’m honest with myself, I feel guilty and sad, regretful that I have been able to survive without Rick, that I am making that new life on my own.
When Rick died, I never thought this would be possible – to … Read the blog
Phantom Embraces – New Blog Post on Hope for Widows Foundation site
… But some nights, I lie down on my side, pull the covers around me, and put out the light, and I sense him there. It’s not a conscious decision; it just happens. I feel him scooch over next to me from behind and pull me to him, and snuggle up against me. I feel the cocoon of his love, … Read the blog
Filling the Void
I was fine.
I made it through going to our diner for breakfast. I purposely flipped past the song that would make me cry on the way home on this dreary day.
I pulled into our driveway and for one quick second, looked at the beautiful red-orange leaves on the tree outside our bedroom and remembered that we bought this … Read the blog
My New Life
I hate that I’m getting used to it.
I hate that I’m used to being single now, that I have new routines, that I’m moving on. I’ve achieved my new normal.
I hate that I’m more “myself” again. I hate that I’m coping better, that I have new goals, fresh ideas for my future.
I hate that it’s getting easier … Read the blog
Keeping My Head Above Water
As an avid swimmer all my life, I know how dangerous and unpredictable waves can be. One minute, you’re frolicking in the surf, head above water, enjoying the vibrant, alive feeling of being submerged in the cold water, floating or swimming, and having the time of your life. The next, you’re knocked off your feet, gasping for breath as you’re … Read the blog
The Home Invasion
In the first few months after Rick died, I was in a state of nearly constant anxiety. The house no longer felt safe and I felt very alone. I have lived alone (as a single parent) before in my life, and I have also lived in an extremely unsafe neighborhood, yet it had never been like this. My safe and … Read the blog
The Dance
When Rick and I were first dating, I was nervous about it. We had met online and this was well before an app for swiping through potential mates was even invented. It was 1996, and it was the early days of internet dating using America Online. Because online dating was a completely new and bizarre concept, it was a scary … Read the blog
Happy Anniversary to Me
I thought it may all be past me now, the feeling of devastation, the tsunami of pain. Apparently, it wasn’t.
I made it through our anniversary yesterday. We were married July 12, 1997. He died one month after our anniversary last year.
I feared it would be a day filled with the pain of his loss, but it wasn’t so … Read the blog
Time on My Hands
It’s tough to go on vacations now…too much time to think. I’m up north at the family cottage for two weeks, and the weather is beautiful. I have nothing to do but bask in the sun, play with the grandkids on the sandy beach of Lake Huron, enjoy time with my family, and take in the beauty of these natural … Read the blog