Saturdays
You used to say you loved to hear the rain outside our window
On Saturday afternoons spent in bed
A nap became a perfect world inhabited by two
Legs entwined, my head on your massive muscular chest,
Warmed by your love
We talked of everything and nothing
“Let’s pretend we’re living in our truck, we’re traveling the country, we’re snuggled under blankets, napping in the truck bed,” you’d say. “We’re vagabonds.”
And you’d pull the ratty old blanket – the one you wouldn’t let me discard – up under our chins in our imaginary cocoon
“Listen to the train. I’ve always loved hearing trains in the distance,” you’d say.
And I’d snuggle closer in your arms
And I’d cherish your romantic soul.
Kisses and caresses
Strokes and imaginings
Oneness
Wholeness
Contentedness
Illness
Death
Loneliness
Today is a rainy Saturday
And I am transported back to
Our perfect world
Alone in our bed
Under the ratty old blanket
Your words echo in my head
memories cause such incredible pain and longing that I’m not able to breathe
But after the sobs subside, what remains is pleasure
at what we had,
At what some will never find.
Alone in our bed
I still talk to you, still feel you, still sense you
And you are here with me again
And the real world means nothing
31march2018
Beautiful