I was running late this morning (nothing new about that). But today I was particularly late, and at the time I got in my car and started it up, I’m usually already sitting at my desk at work.  I wouldn’t normally have been in the car when this song was playing.

Timing is everything.

So I started my car, and my radio was on and set to the Sirius Coffee House station, the station that plays a lot of acoustic music. A new song was playing, a song I had never heard before.

These were the first lyrics I heard:

And when we both grow old
And there is nothing left to say
I want you to know
That I loved you all my days
And when we close our eyes on this life time
I’ll see you on the other side
Yes, I’ll see you on the other side

Let the waterworks begin!

I sat in my running car in the driveway, unable to put the car in gear. At first I thought, no no no! Please, I don’t want to start crying now. I have to get to work. I don’t have time to cry.

I was okay this morning. I woke up fine and ran around getting ready for work without crying once. I was handling my new normal. I was having an uneventful morning. The reason I’m running late is because it was difficult to get up at 7 after staying up until 1 am looking at old photos of Rick – and finally crying myself to sleep at 2am. Please please please, don’t make me start again now.

But, instead of changing the station and backing out of my driveway, I gave in to the inevitable and stayed where I was and listened to the rest of the song. And after it was through, I changed my viewpoint to, “Thank you.”

Thank you, Rick, for the message. I love you too, honey. And I sobbed, but I felt peace, because I could hear him talking to me through the lyrics, words that spoke to me so eloquently about the status of our marriage – and our love – when he died last year.

But in our limb of bone and lace
And time and love and body aches
I loved you more
I loved you more
But a clock keeps ticking down…

He was 63 and I was 60. And although I feel cheated that we didn’t have more time, we had definitely arrived at the time of “love and body aches” and I know he loved me more than when we met 21 years earlier. Our marriage had grown from the initial “wild love and insatiable sex” part when we met, to a place of quiet love and comfort, “of time and love and body aches.” And, yes, I know he loved me more at the end, as only two people who have shared 20+ years of births and deaths, happiness and grief, and all the joys and sufferings of real life can love each other.

And in our years together, Rick treated me like a queen. He loved doing sweet little tasks for me. He enjoyed buying me trinkets and little surprises all the time, so I can almost hear him jokingly singing these lyrics…

I would count myself lucky, love to entertain you
To find myself in the things that complicate you
And spend my life in Your Majesty’s service
And I’d call myself satisfied

So, yes, when I first heard the words of this song, I was upset and disappointed because I didn’t want to be reminded of my grief. I was happy that more often than not lately I’m waking up without all those strong emotions. I needed to be calm and steady so I could go about my day, to put away the feelings of loss because I didn’t have time for grief this morning.

But after the first shock of hearing those poignant and personal lyrics, after taking time to give in and listen to the rest of the song, I’m thankful I was running late. I’m thankful, despite the tears, that I was in my car at just the right time to hear this song, because – crazy as it sounds – I know this was a message from Rick, and I’m happy to have received it.

The song reminds me of all we shared, of how much we loved each other, and that even though he’s gone physically, he’s not gone from my memories or my heart. He’ll never really be gone, will he?

And, yes, I’m a crazy widow who’s looking for signs from Rick everywhere, but I don’t care if I am crazy. Rick’s love for me was embodied in these lyrics. And I have a message for Rick:

I want you to know
That I’ll love you all my days
And when I close my eyes on this lifetime
I’ll see you on the other side
Yes, I’ll see you on the other side

Listen to the song

See You On The Other Side

Brian Fallon

All my life I’ve been a slave to a pardon
My eyes transfixed somewhere far over the Jordan
And all my years I’ve wanted someone to die for
So I had a reason I burned

But I’ve never been where you were born
Or felt the things that broke your heart
Come talk to me
Come talk to me
I want to understand

And when we both grow old
And there’s nothing left to say
I want you to know
That I loved you all my days
And when we close our eyes on this lifetime
I’ll see you on the other side
Yes, I’ll see you on the other side

I would count myself lucky, love to entertain you
To find myself in the things that complicate you
And spend my life in Your Majesty’s service
And I’d call myself satisfied

But in our limb of bone and lace
And time and love and body aches
I loved you more
I loved you more
But a clock keeps ticking down

And when we both grow old
And there’s nothing left to say
I want you to know
That I loved you all my days
And when we close our eyes on this lifetime
I’ll see you on the other side
Yes, I’ll see you on the other side

If you hold on
Hold on
Hold on to me

And when we both grow old
And there’s nothing left to say
I want you to know
That I loved you all my days
And when we close our eyes on this lifetime
I’ll see you on the other side
Yes, I’ll see you on the other side

And when we both grow old
And there’s nothing left to say
I want you to know
That I loved you all my days
And when we close our eyes on this lifetime
I’ll see you on the other side
Yes, I’ll see you on the other side

Songwriters: Brian Fallon
See You On The Other Side lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC