AKA "The Writing Woman"
Sometimes, I can still hear your voice in my head telling me, “I love you honey.” I can still hear you saying, “It will be OK.” And every now and then one of your catchphrases pops into my head: “That’s why they call me ‘the big fella,’” or even, “Shut the hell up.” When something…
I was missing Rick on our second Thanksgiving apart, and my second birthday without him, but I realized that he will never truly be gone. Thanksgiving Day, 2018 Another holiday is done The kids came by and we had fun I’m thankful for my family And how my life’s turned out to be But now…
Can I pretend, just for a few minutes That you are outside in the yard Wearing your red flannel hoodie? Can I imagine, just for a while On this beautiful November Saturday – That you’re raking the fallen leaves, as you loved to do? Wearing your tiny white iPhone earbuds, You’re listening to the new…
After more than a year of coming to terms with Rick’s death, today I came to realize that grieving is just a long-running battle with the words I tell myself in my head. There’s a voice in a continuously running monologue that tells me things that I need to either heed or ignore, words to…
I was fine. I made it through going to our diner for breakfast. I purposely flipped past the song that would make me cry on the way home on this dreary day. I pulled into our driveway and for one quick second, looked at the beautiful red-orange leaves on the tree outside our bedroom and…
I hate that I’m getting used to it. I hate that I’m used to being single now, that I have new routines, that I’m moving on. I’ve achieved my new normal. I hate that I’m more “myself” again. I hate that I’m coping better, that I have new goals, fresh ideas for my future. I…
As an avid swimmer all my life, I know how dangerous and unpredictable waves can be. One minute, you’re frolicking in the surf, head above water, enjoying the vibrant, alive feeling of being submerged in the cold water, floating or swimming, and having the time of your life. The next, you’re knocked off your feet,…
In the first few months after Rick died, I was in a state of nearly constant anxiety. The house no longer felt safe and I felt very alone. I have lived alone (as a single parent) before in my life, and I have also lived in an extremely unsafe neighborhood, yet it had never been…
On my way to trivia finals this morning, I was reminded of last October, two months after Rick died, when I was invited to play with this same team in a trivia finals event. After Rick was diagnosed in October 2016, we rarely went to our regular Monday league games anymore. At first, he was…
On this special day, I miss Giving you your birthday kiss And helping you enjoy your day By celebrating some fun way A movie? Dinner? Restaurant? You’d ask, and I’d do what you want Then rush around to find your gift Some tech toy would give you a lift And you were pleased so easily…