AKA "The Writing Woman"
Dear Rick, I don’t feel the grief all the time anymore. In the beginning, it was like a giant fog, like a veil over my face and head, over my life. I thought about you constantly. I couldn’t stop. Everything was a memory. When I was alone, all I could do was immerse myself in…
Today, I was reminded that oursitegallery.com is going to expire. That’s the website we created to show clients works in progress. Rick stored lots of files there when he was working on menus, flyers, and other print media. He used it as a backup as well as a location for client files. Last May, when…
I’m angry. I’m angry at life. I’m angry that he was taken from me. I’m angry that I’m sitting here alone on a Sunday morning staring at his picture and wondering how to fill this day. I’m angry that he won’t be joining me at breakfast – our breakfast – our special time on a…
I’m still having a tough time with the grief “episodes.” I was doing so well, and now I’m not. I question what has triggered this…tomorrow it will be six months since the day Rick died. Valentine’s Day is Wednesday. We weren’t big on celebrating what Rick called the “Hallmark Holidays,” but most years, we were…
The sadness is back. Maybe it’s because I’m trying too hard to make plans, to think to the future. Maybe I’m not ready to let go of the past. This morning, everything seems to trigger a memory. I was getting used to going a few hours, or maybe even all day, without thinking of him,…
Dear Rick, So, here I am, feeling really proud of myself for handling my new normal. I’m not crying all day anymore. I’m functioning. I’m planning a future without you. I’m being me, again, not always “us.” I’m planning my bucket list. I’m finding substitutes to try to fill the role you played in my…
Grief brings a special kind of loneliness. You want to go out, and you can call anyone, but none of them are the one you want to be with.
What’s new? How have you been coping? How are you? I’m fine. [I wail. I scream. I’m lonely. I miss my husband. My heart has been ripped out of my chest. I can’t sleep at night. My soulmate is gone.]
Dear Rick, I thought I was getting better, but I didn’t make it through the weekend. Somehow I went from Friday feeling positive, feeling like I could go on without you, to Sunday evening, sitting in front of your computer, watching videos of us dancing at our wedding while I dissolved into a puddle of…
Dear Rick, It’s Friday. I’m working at home. It just occurred to me that the pain isn’t as great anymore. That continuous ache in my heart hasn’t plagued me this morning. Maybe I don’t want it to go away. The ache of missing you is somehow what I owe you. I loved you (LOVE you)…