Dear Rick, When using the broken vase analogy, my counselor said to pick out some beautiful pieces and make a mosaic. I think of that often, as I try to decide what to take from our marriage on my new solo journey – my very painful foray into the future without you. It’s work-at-home Friday….
Author: Katherine
Katherine Billings Palmer is a technical writer, poet, and essayist from Garden City, Michigan. She’s won several academic writing awards, including first place in the University of Michigan Dearborn Critical Essay Contest for her work about poet John Donne: “‘The Sun Rising’: A Lover’s Boast.”
In 2017, Katherine’s husband, Rick, died of complications from small cell lung cancer. She wrote a series of poems and essays about her struggles to cope with her grief. I Wanted to Grow Old With You is available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle editions.
Her latest book, A Widow’s Words: Grief, Reflection, Prose, and Poetry – The First Year was published in January 2019 and is also available on Amazon.com.
Katherine is a guest blogger for the Hope for Widows Foundation and writes about her grief journey at www.TheWritingWidow.com.
The award you weren’t here for
I won an award at work today and you weren’t here to share the joy with me. You were here when I found out I was being nominated. I just assumed you’d be here to find out if I won. I’ll use the money toward the MacBook you insisted I need. You were planning to…
The medical procedure
I went for minor surgery without Rick yesterday. He was always by my side, even in the doctor’s office when discussing the procedures or issues. He drove me, sat with me, took me for lunch somewhere to celebrate the fact that I had done whatever was required despite my negative feelings about anything to do…
Sunday, November 13, 2017
I had another slight meltdown today after Lynn left. I didn’t feel like doing anything except sitting in my Rick blanket cocoon. I guess it was because I spent the entire day until 1:30am with others and didn’t have any time to cry. I thought of Rick several times yesterday. In the movies, he was…
I Desperately Want to Turn Back Time
I desperately want to turn back time. I want to relive every moment, good and bad. I want you here. I want more time. I want normal and nothing has been normal since you died. When you were diagnosed, we knew there was no forever, but I never really pictured it. It was a vague…
Weeki Wachee
I was looking for a picture of Rick cooking to go with a blog post. I came across several pictures from Weeki Wachee. We stayed at a motel, loved it, and Rick went to the park to cook food while I worked during the day. I knew we had some shots of us at the…
Thoughts this morning
Dear Rick, I watched Danielle this morning – your job. I got up at 6:30am and, while she watched TV, I went into your office and uploaded MFTH blog pictures – your job. I drove Danielle to school – your job. As I was driving down Harrison, I thought how odd it was, this strange…
Frozen meat
It’s noon and I’m hungry so I went to find food. I thought I’d take out some frozen chicken and maybe make a stir-fry for dinner. I found 2 frozen chicken breasts and what looks like frozen steaks. Then I found 2 larger bags, with big cuts of some kind of meat. I thought, this…
Thursday, November 9, 2017
Dear Rick, There are so many things that I wish you were here for. I think you would have been pleased to see me out with Cindy and the kids the other night. I think you would be happy that we are doing Thanksgiving together this year, even though you are gone. They are and…
Flashbacks
Dear Rick, I was taking a quick break to read emails between projects at work. One email was about SAE logo merchandise for sale. I was browsing through the shirts and suddenly flashed back to Florida – you and I in a Walmart. You were buying two or three of those silky zip-up shirts that…