AKA "The Writing Woman"
I’m moving on.
I’ve taken pictures of your office, as you had it when you were here. It’s my attempt to maintain your memory. The office was you: your art, your collections, your special retreat filled with all your favorite things, gadgets, technology.
Your blue chair – the ugly Early American monstrosity – is still there where it was relocated … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
I have missed so much about you since you’ve been gone. I miss your love. I miss your touch. I miss your intelligence and wit and quirky sense of humor. I miss your huge strong body, and your muscles and your hugs.
I miss your unequaled and nonjudgmental acceptance of all that I am – foibles and failings … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
I don’t feel the grief all the time anymore. In the beginning, it was like a giant fog, like a veil over my face and head, over my life.
I thought about you constantly. I couldn’t stop. Everything was a memory. When I was alone, all I could do was immerse myself in the grief of the loss … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
So, here I am, feeling really proud of myself for handling my new normal. I’m not crying all day anymore. I’m functioning. I’m planning a future without you. I’m being me, again, not always “us.”
I’m planning my bucket list. I’m finding substitutes to try to fill the role you played in my life. I have friends and … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
I thought I was getting better, but I didn’t make it through the weekend. Somehow I went from Friday feeling positive, feeling like I could go on without you, to Sunday evening, sitting in front of your computer, watching videos of us dancing at our wedding while I dissolved into a puddle of tears.
I guess I should’ve … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
It’s Friday. I’m working at home.
It just occurred to me that the pain isn’t as great anymore. That continuous ache in my heart hasn’t plagued me this morning.
Maybe I don’t want it to go away. The ache of missing you is somehow what I owe you. I loved you (LOVE you) so much, that it’s what … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
I had my performance review today. I always called you immediately after talking to Sam and told you what she said. You always told me you were proud of me, and of course, excited when there was any possibility of me getting a raise in my future and our circumstances improving as they have been in the past … Read the blog
They talk of Christmas, but to me it’s just another day without you.
It’s just another day that you’re gone.
… Read the blog
This morning I woke up, and foolishly went to the widows’ support group on FB. A woman mentioned the theory that our loved ones wait until we leave to die. They hold on until that time, then you may go to get a drink of water, take a bathroom break, and that’s the time that they die.
I immediately thought … Read the blog
December 20, 2017
18 weeks
Dear Rick,
I went to Costco today.
I doubt I’ve ever gone without you. Maybe once, but maybe not. Costco was us, just as Home Depot, Lowe’s, Ikea, and all those other stores were places we went together.
Roaming the aisles of Costco with you was one of life’s simple pleasures, one of our “our … Read the blog