You and I were a team

Dear Rick,

I had my performance review today. I always called you immediately after talking to Sam and told you what she said. You always told me you were proud of me, and of course, excited when there was any possibility of me getting a raise in my future and our circumstances improving as they have been in the past few years.

I always had you there rooting me on. I miss that. Of course, you know I have family and friends who are there for me, but you were different. You and I were a team. You and I were one.

I want to call you now and tell you everything that’s happening. I want to hear your encouragement, your advice, and your ideas. I want the closeness that we had.

I’m trying to find a substitute for each void that’s in my life now. I can work and drive and cook and take out the garbage. I have groceries delivered! (LOL – You would hate that!) I have friends to go to movies with me. I’m back on the trivia team without you.

I can do this. I can be a solo act again. But most of all, I miss the connectedness I had with you. I miss my other half.

I love you.


About the author

Katherine Billings Palmer is a technical writer, poet, and essayist from Garden City, Michigan. She’s won several academic writing awards, including first place in the University of Michigan Dearborn Critical Essay Contest for her work about poet John Donne: “‘The Sun Rising’: A Lover’s Boast.”

In 2017, Katherine’s husband, Rick, died of complications from small cell lung cancer. She wrote a series of poems and essays about her struggles to cope with her grief. I Wanted to Grow Old With You is available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle editions.

Her latest book, A Widow’s Words: Grief, Reflection, Prose, and Poetry – The First Year was published in January 2019 and is also available on

Katherine is a guest blogger for the Hope for Widows Foundation and writes about her grief journey at

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