AKA "The Writing Woman"
I wrote this poem when Rick and I had been dating for a little more than two months. He lived in Minnesota and was often in various parts of the country for his job. I sent it to him as part of an email message. He printed it and saved it, and I found it among his things.
At … Read the blog
Hope.
I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. It happens.
I lay there contemplating why. Why today? Why is it so difficult to get up this morning?
I realized that today I feel no hope. No hope of ever enjoying my life again. No hope for a future that is meaningful. No hope of ever feeling right … Read the blog
I’m moving on.
I’ve taken pictures of your office, as you had it when you were here. It’s my attempt to maintain your memory. The office was you: your art, your collections, your special retreat filled with all your favorite things, gadgets, technology.
Your blue chair – the ugly Early American monstrosity – is still there where it was relocated … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
I don’t feel the grief all the time anymore. In the beginning, it was like a giant fog, like a veil over my face and head, over my life.
I thought about you constantly. I couldn’t stop. Everything was a memory. When I was alone, all I could do was immerse myself in the grief of the loss … Read the blog
Today, I was reminded that oursitegallery.com is going to expire. That’s the website we created to show clients works in progress. Rick stored lots of files there when he was working on menus, flyers, and other print media. He used it as a backup as well as a location for client files.
Last May, when the domain was about to … Read the blog
I’m angry.
I’m angry at life. I’m angry that he was taken from me. I’m angry that I’m sitting here alone on a Sunday morning staring at his picture and wondering how to fill this day.
I’m angry that he won’t be joining me at breakfast – our breakfast – our special time on a Sunday morning at the diner, … Read the blog
I’m still having a tough time with the grief “episodes.” I was doing so well, and now I’m not.
I question what has triggered this…tomorrow it will be six months since the day Rick died. Valentine’s Day is Wednesday. We weren’t big on celebrating what Rick called the “Hallmark Holidays,” but most years, we were on our way to Florida … Read the blog
The sadness is back.
Maybe it’s because I’m trying too hard to make plans, to think to the future. Maybe I’m not ready to let go of the past.
This morning, everything seems to trigger a memory. I was getting used to going a few hours, or maybe even all day, without thinking of him, but the weekend was one … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
So, here I am, feeling really proud of myself for handling my new normal. I’m not crying all day anymore. I’m functioning. I’m planning a future without you. I’m being me, again, not always “us.”
I’m planning my bucket list. I’m finding substitutes to try to fill the role you played in my life. I have friends and … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
I thought I was getting better, but I didn’t make it through the weekend. Somehow I went from Friday feeling positive, feeling like I could go on without you, to Sunday evening, sitting in front of your computer, watching videos of us dancing at our wedding while I dissolved into a puddle of tears.
I guess I should’ve … Read the blog