In October 2006, we found this house. It was a beautiful, quiet setting on a dead-end street. We had been considering a different house, but we came to look at this house one more time. When we saw it with the leaves turning color and the autumn light and smells all around us, we knew it was our new home.
We put an offer on the house and it was accepted within a few days. Before we even had the final closing, Rick came over one late October Saturday afternoon, a day just like today, and he raked leaves. On a house we didn’t own yet. Just because he loved to.
The smells of autumn remind me of you
As I sit here on our deck on this beautiful October Saturday,
I hear the sound of you raking leaves in the shadows of my mind
I want to feel you come up behind me and wrap your strong arms around me
I want to feel your rough unshaven cheek against mine
I want you back
I thought I’d come to terms with it all
The great aloneness you left behind
Men have left me before
But not one who desperately wanted to stay
Not one who loved me with a passion
And with gentleness
With all his being
As I look at the fallen leaves piling around me
I know you are here
My very favorite ghost
Your spirit never left
And I feel sadness for you
Watching me, but unable to hold me and feel my love
Watching me, year after year, attempting to leave you behind
Watching me date other men
Laughing and kissing and dancing without you
But I must keep living and loving and laughing
Because this is the autumn of my life
And I have no other choice but to live out my seasons,
This time allotted to me,
Without you
