As I sit here, reflecting on the year that has passed, I realized how alone I feel. Sure, I have lots of loved ones in my life – and many, many people I can count on to be there for me, so I’m not lonely at all. But I’ve never felt this alone. I think it’s all the holiday cheer and the family gatherings. It’s more noticeable being alone after leaving a rowdy group and returning to this quiet existence.
I’m not saying it’s a bad feeling. It’s just a fact. For so many years, there was someone always at my side. Always a part of my life. Almost a part of ME. And now, for more than six years, I’ve lived this solo existence. Of course, the way I feel about that has evolved from that first frightening sense of loss and anguish to how I feel today: complacent about it – even enjoying myself in my quiet pursuits with my dozens of hobbies and interests.
And at this point, I’m even alone by choice. I’ve dated a few men who were possible love matches, but my life alone seems better than what it would be with any of them. Many widowers, including the one I went to lunch with yesterday, just can’t handle living alone. They seem to want a new substitute wife and haven’t made lives for themselves. I have, and I’m waiting for someone who will add to what I’ve worked hard to create.
In other words, I’ve survived…
Thank you for sharing!!! My husband passed away 2/3/23 at the age of 62. We were married 28 years, and we were together 30. I’m 54, so I was with him most of my life. We were going to retire and travel the world together. He was my soulmate, lover and best friend. I am so lost without him. Thanks again!
Wow, I just discovered your writings. My husband Nick died at 73, October 2020.. small cell lung cancer, (he served as a Marine in Vietnam). I’ve read every book , joined a bereavement group in the first year, journaled, which all helped. I have moved on in my life. I have incredible kids, grandkids, friends.. I’m very active, I keep busy.. I have fun, so everyone thinks I’m doing great! But that void is always there. I’m just adjusting to it, the same way I get used to arthritis, or my knee that goes out from time to time during Zumba. It’s very difficult to accept the fact that as much as my family loves me, takes care of me, no one can ever be a part of me like Nick was. He was just the best human being to come into my life. I had an incredible, fun life with him. I am grateful I had so many years .. but sometimes it makes me sadder to know I will never have that again.