As I draw closer to the end of year two, I realize I no longer feel married. That sounds dumb, since Rick’s been gone for so long, but after twenty years of marriage, I still felt like his wife, no matter what. But in the past couple of months, that feeling has faded. I lead the life of a single woman and all that entails: no partner, no life mate, no support, and no goodnight kisses – so I guess it’s finally sunk in and I’ve adapted to being single.
For most of the time after Rick’s death, seeing my wedding ring where he placed in on my left hand was comforting. It made me feel closer to him and helped me remember all the joy we shared. But at this stage, seeing it there reminds me of what I’ve lost, how long he’s been gone, and the awful grief that resulted from that loss.
I don’t want that reminder any longer. I want to focus on hope and a future where I lead a full life, a life not focused so much on the past. I often use poetry as a release for my feelings, and I wrote a poem that imbues my feelings about this significant act.
With This Ring
“With this ring, I thee wed”
Our vows still echo in my head
When we both pledged to love for life
The day that I became your wife…
