20 Years

Two decades in the middle of my life. In time, is that what you’ll become? I man I loved for two decades of my life?

Twenty years is so awfully awfully short. Why does it hurt so much to picture you this way? To think that some day you’ll be a man I once loved?

Will I be an old woman of 80 thinking back to the one special time we shared? Twenty years, one fourth of my life? Is that all you’ll be? A fading memory? A special special person I once shared my life and dreams with?

I wanted you forever. I wanted to be old and gray in our matching chairs, watching home shows and Jeopardy until the end.

But no, I’m on my own, and we only had twenty years – two very short decades of love, passionate love, indescribable love.

But only 20 years.

You were a man I once loved. It hurts to know that’s all we’ll ever have.

About the author

Katherine Billings Palmer is a technical writer, poet, and essayist from Garden City, Michigan. She’s won several academic writing awards, including first place in the University of Michigan Dearborn Critical Essay Contest for her work about poet John Donne: “‘The Sun Rising’: A Lover’s Boast.”

In 2017, Katherine’s husband, Rick, died of complications from small cell lung cancer. She wrote a series of poems and essays about her struggles to cope with her grief. I Wanted to Grow Old With You is available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle editions.

Her latest book, A Widow’s Words: Grief, Reflection, Prose, and Poetry – The First Year was published in January 2019 and is also available on Amazon.com.

Katherine is a guest blogger for the Hope for Widows Foundation and writes about her grief journey at www.TheWritingWidow.com.

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