I was taking a quick break to read emails between projects at work. One email was about SAE logo merchandise for sale.
I was browsing through the shirts and suddenly flashed back to Florida – you and I in a Walmart. You were buying two or three of those silky zip-up shirts that you liked so much. You always wore them when riding your bicycle. You convinced me to buy some in my size. (In fact, when we were back in Michigan, after no success finding more at the local Walmart, I ordered more for you online, because you liked them so much and wore them daily.)
The flashback was really of no big memorable activity, just a very small reminder of a typical activity on a Saturday in Florida – our very favorite place to be.
The times we had in Florida were heaven sent. We were so happy there. I am so thankful that we had many weeks before it all went downhill – before the pneumonitis set in, before you lost weight, lost energy, slept more, couldn’t walk, got sicker.
Picturing that one Walmart scene brought back Florida in an instant. It brought you back to life. It hurt.
I went to the company’s nursing room because the pain was so vivid, I thought I would sob out loud in my cubicle.
The flashbacks are getting stronger and coming on more suddenly now. Or is it that the fog of constant pain has lifted, so when it returns so suddenly, I’m not ready, and it’s like a punch to the gut?
I miss you, I miss you so much. I want you back.
November 7, 2017