AKA "The Writing Woman"
My mom once told me… That people in heaven can’t see us She said heaven is a happy place, a peaceful place that our loved ones go to when they die She said earth is a sad place So people in heaven can’t see us hurting, sick, sad, and depressed Or they would be sad,…
This morning, I made the mistake of looking at my Timehop app before I got out of bed. Two years ago today, Saturday, May 27th, at 8:58 a.m., I took two videos. The first was Rick snoring softly beside me, with his favorite blanket nearly covering his entire head. In the second video, I started…
Will it always be this way? I feel like I’m done grieving – if that’s even possible. The mornings waking up dreading the day ahead because I know how awful and painful living without him will be are over. The nights spent hoping fervently that I’ll dream of him, just to get a glimpse of…
Last week, I was sitting home alone, working on the projects Rick used to take care of for our business. This was after a long day at my technical writing job and I felt a little sorry for myself, because I had to add the jobs he did for our web business plus his chores…
One thing I’ve learned about widowhood is that it’s exhausting; it’s so much work. At first, it’s trying to make it through the long awful days without your husband. Being bombarded with memories and tears. Adapting to the empty house. Working to control your emotions in public. Striving to get out of bed each morning…
Since Rick died, I’ve been afraid that I’ll forget things about him. I’ve never had a very good memory. At best, it’s sporadic. I can’t remember what I ate yesterday, but I can remember vivid memories from my childhood. I supposed most people are like that, but in my case, I’m usually surprised by the…
… I’ve stopped dreaming. I’m not sure exactly when it happened. Was it when Rick got sick and the dreams we shared began to dissolve? Was it after his death, when all my hopes and dreams for the future we had planned turned to dust? I know that in the year and a half since…
This is the time of year we’d be going on our annual Florida trip. Usually we left around Valentine’s Day. We took three days to get there. We enjoyed the drive. Friends often laughed at how long our drive took. “Three days? Why I drove the 17 hours straight through – it was an overnight…
… And with that realization, came the decision that it’s time to remove the symbol of our marriage, the beautiful ring that he ceremoniously placed on my left hand so many years ago. To me, continuing to wear the ring is a symbol that I am currently a married woman, a woman who has a…
I do my best to fill my weekends. I’ve had a year and a half to hone my skills. When Rick was alive, I used to look forward to Fridays, the last day of the work week and then – Whee! Freedom! Rick and I could hang out together, starting with breakfast at our favorite…