Can I pretend, just for a few minutes That you are outside in the yard Wearing your red flannel hoodie? Can I imagine, just for a while On this beautiful November Saturday – That you’re raking the fallen leaves, as you loved to do? Wearing your tiny white iPhone earbuds, You’re listening to the new…
Tag: widow
Telling Guilt to Take a Hike
After more than a year of coming to terms with Rick’s death, today I came to realize that grieving is just a long-running battle with the words I tell myself in my head. There’s a voice in a continuously running monologue that tells me things that I need to either heed or ignore, words to…
Keeping My Head Above Water
As an avid swimmer all my life, I know how dangerous and unpredictable waves can be. One minute, you’re frolicking in the surf, head above water, enjoying the vibrant, alive feeling of being submerged in the cold water, floating or swimming, and having the time of your life. The next, you’re knocked off your feet,…
Happy Birthday to My Love
On this special day, I miss Giving you your birthday kiss And helping you enjoy your day By celebrating some fun way A movie? Dinner? Restaurant? You’d ask, and I’d do what you want Then rush around to find your gift Some tech toy would give you a lift And you were pleased so easily…
When Logic Meets Grief
I’ve always considered myself a logical person. I love puzzling out things, playing detective. Rick teased me about my supposed sleuthing skills all the time and affectionately called me Kinsey Millhone (the great fictional detective in the Sue Grafton novels). I like logic so much, I even took two logic classes in college. But if…
The Futility of the Physical – new blog on Hope for Widows site
Beginning next month, the old company logo at work is being replaced and removed from all our products. Rick created that logo 20 years ago. I thought, there goes another piece of Rick, his legacy, his mark on the world. And I swallowed the temptation to cry as business continued to be discussed around me….
The Dance
When Rick and I were first dating, I was nervous about it. We had met online and this was well before an app for swiping through potential mates was even invented. It was 1996, and it was the early days of internet dating using America Online. Because online dating was a completely new and bizarre…
A Year’s Worth of Dust and Memories
Dear Rick, It’s been nearly a year since you died. Does that mean I should be getting over the grief by now? Should I be capable of moving on in my “new” life without you? In antiquated terms, is it almost time for me to remove my widow’s weeds? Almost a year…it will be eleven…
The Handprint on the Wall
As widowed life becomes “normal,” not every morning is horrible anymore. It used to be – a few short months ago – that the bravest thing I’ve ever done was to get out of bed in the morning and face the day ahead. In the first month or two after Rick died, I was in…
Vestiges of Your Life – A Poem
I cried when I first changed our bed sheets But any trace of your scent was long gone I’ve accepted you aren’t coming back But it’s still very hard to move on Your things are still just where you left them On the table right next to the bed The last glass you drank from…









