Today is Rick‘s birthday. At this stage, I’m experienced enough with grief to know that I need to take a little time by myself before I try to venture out into public. Even two-year-old grief needs a time and a place to be released. So I stayed in bed this morning, my last vacation day this week, pulled up the … Read the blog
Once again, it’s the worst week of the year and I’m trying to make the best of it. My husband died on August 13, 2017. His birthday is August 23rd. The year he died, those 10 days were a fog of grief and pain. Rick was in remission, so his death came as a shock that Sunday. I remember feeling … Read the blog
The second anniversary of Rick’s death is Tuesday. In some ways, I can’t believe it’s been two years. In others, it feels like he’s been gone for ages. My life has changed so much since he was here, including finally acknowledging that I’m single again. Dating other men is surreal. How can this be? I was supposed to be with … Read the blog
Sitting poolside
On this hot July day
Basking in the sun,
Eyes closed against the strong rays
Two years here alone
Two summers without you
A lifetime between then and now
But I find I’m…
Still waiting
Still waiting to hear the back door slam
You, back from your bicycle ride
Still waiting to feel your shadow cross my face… Read the blog
Rick and I were married on July 12, 1997. He died one month after our twentieth anniversary. This Friday will mark the second time I’ve spent our anniversary alone. In a way, it’s almost the third time, because on our last anniversary together in 2017, he was pretty sick and often mentally confused, so our special day wasn’t so special. … Read the blog
I had a quiet four and a half hour driving trip back from the family cottage yesterday. Four and a half long hours to think about where my life is and where it’s going. As someone who’s been known to overthink things, that’s way too much time on my hands. But it was a lovely trip and it turns out … Read the blog
It’s a beautiful day in northern Michigan, the beginning of the week-long vacation my family and I enjoy every July at our cottage. My grandpa built his retirement home on Lake Huron nearly sixty years ago and it’s been passed down through generations to those of us who enjoy it today. We call it Paradise.
For me, coming here as … Read the blog
In early 2016, I led a charmed life.
I was married and sharing my world with a man who loved me. We lived in our happy little home, and enjoyed the perks of having worked for years and years to have our tech gadgets and our pool and our vacations. Rick had just started receiving social security benefits and my … Read the blog
I catch myself talking out loud a lot when I’m alone in the car. Luckily, nowadays, the passengers in the cars around me assume I’m on a hands-free phone, so it doesn’t seem strange to see me alone gabbing away while I’m sitting at the red light next to them.
Except, the reality is, I’m not on the phone. I’m … Read the blog