AKA "The Writing Woman"
I’m angry. I’m angry at life. I’m angry that he was taken from me. I’m angry that I’m sitting here alone on a Sunday morning staring at his picture and wondering how to fill this day. I’m angry that he won’t be joining me at breakfast – our breakfast – our special time on a…
I’m still having a tough time with the grief “episodes.” I was doing so well, and now I’m not. I question what has triggered this…tomorrow it will be six months since the day Rick died. Valentine’s Day is Wednesday. We weren’t big on celebrating what Rick called the “Hallmark Holidays,” but most years, we were…
The sadness is back. Maybe it’s because I’m trying too hard to make plans, to think to the future. Maybe I’m not ready to let go of the past. This morning, everything seems to trigger a memory. I was getting used to going a few hours, or maybe even all day, without thinking of him,…
Dear Rick, So, here I am, feeling really proud of myself for handling my new normal. I’m not crying all day anymore. I’m functioning. I’m planning a future without you. I’m being me, again, not always “us.” I’m planning my bucket list. I’m finding substitutes to try to fill the role you played in my…
Grief brings a special kind of loneliness. You want to go out, and you can call anyone, but none of them are the one you want to be with.
What’s new? How have you been coping? How are you? I’m fine. [I wail. I scream. I’m lonely. I miss my husband. My heart has been ripped out of my chest. I can’t sleep at night. My soulmate is gone.]
Dear Rick, It’s Friday. I’m working at home. It just occurred to me that the pain isn’t as great anymore. That continuous ache in my heart hasn’t plagued me this morning. Maybe I don’t want it to go away. The ache of missing you is somehow what I owe you. I loved you (LOVE you)…
Dear Rick, I had my performance review today. I always called you immediately after talking to Sam and told you what she said. You always told me you were proud of me, and of course, excited when there was any possibility of me getting a raise in my future and our circumstances improving as they…
I don’t know where he is. All religions have their explicit, concise answers for where the spirit goes after leaving the body. Heaven, limbo, another realm. But no one really knows. Those who write those “life after death” stories, describe the light, walking down a path, a glorious, peaceful feeling. They see long-dead relatives, they…
Tomorrow is the five-month anniversary of your death. Five months. I couldn’t have imagined living five months without your touch, without seeing your smiling face, hearing your throaty laugh. Five months without your witty repartee – and lame jokes. Five months without your love. However, for some unfathomable reason, I feel good, like I may…