AKA "The Writing Woman"
The sadness is back.
Maybe it’s because I’m trying too hard to make plans, to think to the future. Maybe I’m not ready to let go of the past.
This morning, everything seems to trigger a memory. I was getting used to going a few hours, or maybe even all day, without thinking of him, but the weekend was one … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
So, here I am, feeling really proud of myself for handling my new normal. I’m not crying all day anymore. I’m functioning. I’m planning a future without you. I’m being me, again, not always “us.”
I’m planning my bucket list. I’m finding substitutes to try to fill the role you played in my life. I have friends and … Read the blog
Grief brings a special kind of loneliness.
You want to go out, and you can call anyone, but none of them are the one you want to be with.
… Read the blogWhat’s new? How have you been coping? How are you?
I’m fine. [I wail. I scream. I’m lonely. I miss my husband. My heart has been ripped out of my chest. I can’t sleep at night. My soulmate is gone.]
… Read the blog
Dear Rick,
I thought I was getting better, but I didn’t make it through the weekend. Somehow I went from Friday feeling positive, feeling like I could go on without you, to Sunday evening, sitting in front of your computer, watching videos of us dancing at our wedding while I dissolved into a puddle of tears.
I guess I should’ve … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
It’s Friday. I’m working at home.
It just occurred to me that the pain isn’t as great anymore. That continuous ache in my heart hasn’t plagued me this morning.
Maybe I don’t want it to go away. The ache of missing you is somehow what I owe you. I loved you (LOVE you) so much, that it’s what … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
I had my performance review today. I always called you immediately after talking to Sam and told you what she said. You always told me you were proud of me, and of course, excited when there was any possibility of me getting a raise in my future and our circumstances improving as they have been in the past … Read the blog
I don’t know where he is.
All religions have their explicit, concise answers for where the spirit goes after leaving the body. Heaven, limbo, another realm.
But no one really knows.
Those who write those “life after death” stories, describe the light, walking down a path, a glorious, peaceful feeling. They see long-dead relatives, they are filled with grief when … Read the blog
Tomorrow is the five-month anniversary of your death.
Five months.
I couldn’t have imagined living five months without your touch, without seeing your smiling face, hearing your throaty laugh.
Five months without your witty repartee – and lame jokes.
Five months without your love.
However, for some unfathomable reason, I feel good, like I may have a future.
This is … Read the blog
In memorium.
I keep making decisions in memory of Rick. He would have liked this or that. He and I picked out this furniture so I will buy it in his memory.
I just thought about the gazebo outside. There was freezing rain this morning and it’s snowing now. I’ll need to go out and clean off the canvas so … Read the blog