I was remembering the first time I really felt that he loved me as much as I loved him. He told me that, as he came home from somewhere and pulled up in front of our apartment, that when he saw my car, it made him happy. It made him excited to see me. He was glad I was home.… Read the blog
Home Depot
Dear Rick,
How could I so easily forget the one place that has so much meaning, the place that would be so difficult to return to without you?
Home Depot was a huge part of our marriage. It started at Lester’s, when we were planning to buy his house on land contract. We put a lot of work into that … Read the blog
Three firsts
Rick has been gone three months. In the past two days, I made it through three firsts: I went to get biopsy results alone (uterine cancer scare), I celebrated my birthday, and, of course, Thanksgiving. I have so many things to be thankful for: the biopsy results were good, and my family and friends were supportive and wonderful on my … Read the blog
Funeral Blues – WH Auden
Funeral Blues
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling in the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let … Read the blog
Thoughts on my birthday
Thoughts on my birthday.
I’m feeling so much love from my family and friends. I couldn’t make it without their support.
I went alone to get my biopsy results. It was lonely, sitting there all by myself in the doctor’s examining room, waiting to find out if the biopsy results were negative. Rick was always by my side for all … Read the blog
Taco Bell Hot Sauce
Dear Rick,
Matt stopped by my desk to discuss hot sauce. He mentioned remembering that Brandon had been saving Taco Bell taco sauce packets at one time.
Wow….remember when Brandon saved hot sauce packets and put them in a giant box and wrapped and gave it to you for Christmas? God, that was funny. You were genuinely thrilled to receive … Read the blog
How I handle anxiety
Rick’s death changed everything. Okay, so I can be extreme…
Now if I get some weird bill in the mail or some stressful thing happens, I ask myself, what’s the worst that could happen?
The man I love more than anything in the world will die and I will miss him constantly? Oh yeah, that already happened, so what could … Read the blog
Sausage Biscuits and Bananas…
Sausage biscuits and bananas…
The Alexa shopping list still has items I was going to buy for Rick.
Fourteen weeks ago, he died.
November 19, 2017
… Read the blogFriday, 11/17/2017
Dear Rick,
When using the broken vase analogy, my counselor said to pick out some beautiful pieces and make a mosaic.
I think of that often, as I try to decide what to take from our marriage on my new solo journey – my very painful foray into the future without you.
It’s work-at-home Friday. I toiled all morning on … Read the blog
The award you weren’t here for
I won an award at work today and you weren’t here to share the joy with me. You were here when I found out I was being nominated. I just assumed you’d be here to find out if I won.
I’ll use the money toward the MacBook you insisted I need. You were planning to buy it for our anniversary … Read the blog