AKA "The Writing Woman"
Sometimes I wail.
I don’t just weep, or cry, or even sob.
I wail.
It’s been a little more than four months since I became a widow. This is new territory for me. I met Rick when I was nearly 40, a never-married mother of one son. Marriage had eluded me. I’d obviously met men, since I was a mother, … Read the blog
Now that I’ve been in mourning for more than 4 months, I think this grief thing is pretty predictable: I’ll wake up each morning and immediately notice your absence. I’ll either bury the thought and jump out of bed, or – on the weekends – I’ll bury myself deeper under the covers and begin remembering you and our time together.… Read the blog
Every morning I get a reminder from Time Hop…”see what happened on this date…”
I open the app with trepidation.
Will it make me laugh or cry? Will the photos from the past affect me like a dagger through the heart?
Four years ago…Rick sitting by the fire in the backyard. He’s wearing his favorite red hoodie and the plaid … Read the blog
I was driving to my grief counseling session, foolish enough to listen to the radio.
I can’t listen to music anymore, and music is something I’ve loved my whole life. Music is passion and feelings and emotion and more. A passionate love of music is also something Rick and I shared.
We had different tastes in music, but we both … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
Remember when we picked out the new living room furniture together? It was a little more than a year before you died. I took photos. The date on the pictures is May 22, 2016 – around 12:30 pm. We didn’t even have a clue about what was ahead as we enjoyed ourselves on that happy day. We didn’t … Read the blog
And I don’t want a never ending life
I just want to be alive while I’m here
And I don’t want a never ending life
I just want to be alive while I’m here
And I don’t want to see another night
Lost inside a lonely life while I’m hereThe Strumbellas – Spirits
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9kXstb9FF4I’m still me.
I was … Read the blog
Would one more time have helped?
I am once again swamped with regrets for the times I was too wrapped up in other activities (or my exhaustion or sadness and despair) to drop everything and come to you, join you as you lay in bed. But would one more time, one more embrace, one more talk have helped assuage this … Read the blog
I sit here on a cold dark evening wondering how I got here.
How did I come to be a widow, sitting here alone in my quiet living room?
Where is my husband?
How did he disappear from my life so suddenly?
How can I so suddenly be alone with
no hopes
no dreams
no purpose
with my heart torn … Read the blog
I was remembering the first time I really felt that he loved me as much as I loved him. He told me that, as he came home from somewhere and pulled up in front of our apartment, that when he saw my car, it made him happy. It made him excited to see me. He was glad I was home.… Read the blog
Dear Rick,
How could I so easily forget the one place that has so much meaning, the place that would be so difficult to return to without you?
Home Depot was a huge part of our marriage. It started at Lester’s, when we were planning to buy his house on land contract. We put a lot of work into that … Read the blog