AKA "The Writing Woman"
Dear Rick,
Twelve weeks.
This is the longest we’ve been apart since the night we met. How can I go on without you?
I thought the pain might be getting better…that the hole in my heart would start to heal. Scar over.
It’s not happening. It’s getting worse.
Another Sunday morning without you – what do I do? Where do … Read the blog
“A man will never love a woman as much as a woman loves a man.” – A quote from my mother after one of my boyfriends left me when I was in my early twenties.
If my mom were here now, I’d tell her how wrong she was.
Richard Kevin Palmer loved me as much as I loved him. He … Read the blog
There are songs I’ve always liked that take on a whole new meaning now that Rick is gone. It may be wishful thinking, but I feel like he’s still near me, loving me, and I try to do what I think he’d want me to. This song was mentioned on one of the FB widows’ groups, and I gave it … Read the blog
Our House
Crosby, Stills & Nash, 1970
I heard this song on the radio yesterday. Of course, I cried. I remember dancing with you in the kitchen when the song came on. I was so happy that we had our perfect life in our perfect house.
But then I remembered earlier, before we met. I remember in the 70s and … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
We were in a world of our own, a perfect world we created together.
Perfect.
We jealously guarded the world, only letting in close family members. Only going to a few social events if they really struck our fancy. Otherwise, our home, our car, our forays to diners and restaurants were solo. They were us.
We refined our … Read the blog
From my letters to Rick, October 29, 2017
I haven’t written to you in a while. I’ve been talking to you all the time, though. We sit here chatting every evening, don’t we? You typically have nothing to say, but we both know I did most of the talking anyway.
I miss you.
Those words sure don’t convey the pain … Read the blog
OCTOBER 23 Grief Meditation
“Why not” is a slogan for an interesting life. —MASON COOLEY
At first our energy is absorbed in doing the necessary things—making arrangements, speaking with those who come to console us. After the immediate hubbub is over, we are probably exhausted. Then, when some strength to do “optional things” begins to come back, we probably return … Read the blog
Every step I take forward is a step away from you.
But is it?
It’s a step away from what we shared.
It’s a step away from my time with you.
But is it also a step toward the future – the afterlife – I will share with you?
Are you sitting on the beach waiting for me, an empty
[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]
BY E. E. CUMMINGS
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my … Read the blog
Dear Rick,
I’m at work.
It’s 9:47 am, and suddenly I pictured being at the hospital with you.
Getting on the elevator at the medical center, you turn to me and jab at my stomach and I warn you that there are cameras watching your abuse.
Then we continue with the horseplay
I swat at you
Or I throw my … Read the blog