Dear Rick, There are so many things that I wish you were here for. I think you would have been pleased to see me out with Cindy and the kids the other night. I think you would be happy that we are doing Thanksgiving together this year, even though you are gone. They are and…
Flashbacks
Dear Rick, I was taking a quick break to read emails between projects at work. One email was about SAE logo merchandise for sale. I was browsing through the shirts and suddenly flashed back to Florida – you and I in a Walmart. You were buying two or three of those silky zip-up shirts that…
Twelve weeks
Dear Rick, Twelve weeks. This is the longest we’ve been apart since the night we met. How can I go on without you? I thought the pain might be getting better…that the hole in my heart would start to heal. Scar over. It’s not happening. It’s getting worse. Another Sunday morning without you – what…
My mother was wrong
“A man will never love a woman as much as a woman loves a man.” – A quote from my mother after one of my boyfriends left me when I was in my early twenties. If my mom were here now, I’d tell her how wrong she was. Richard Kevin Palmer loved me as much…
Wherever You Will Go
There are songs I’ve always liked that take on a whole new meaning now that Rick is gone. It may be wishful thinking, but I feel like he’s still near me, loving me, and I try to do what I think he’d want me to. This song was mentioned on one of the FB widows’…
Our House – the song
Our House Crosby, Stills & Nash, 1970 I heard this song on the radio yesterday. Of course, I cried. I remember dancing with you in the kitchen when the song came on. I was so happy that we had our perfect life in our perfect house. But then I remembered earlier, before we met. I…
Living alone in our world
Dear Rick, We were in a world of our own, a perfect world we created together. Perfect. We jealously guarded the world, only letting in close family members. Only going to a few social events if they really struck our fancy. Otherwise, our home, our car, our forays to diners and restaurants were solo. They…
Wind phone
From my letters to Rick, October 29, 2017 I haven’t written to you in a while. I’ve been talking to you all the time, though. We sit here chatting every evening, don’t we? You typically have nothing to say, but we both know I did most of the talking anyway. I miss you. Those words…
Why not?
OCTOBER 23 Grief Meditation “Why not” is a slogan for an interesting life. —MASON COOLEY At first our energy is absorbed in doing the necessary things—making arrangements, speaking with those who come to console us. After the immediate hubbub is over, we are probably exhausted. Then, when some strength to do “optional things” begins to…
Every Step I Take Forward Is a Step Away From You
Every step I take forward is a step away from you. But is it? It’s a step away from what we shared. It’s a step away from my time with you. But is it also a step toward the future – the afterlife – I will share with you? Are you sitting on the beach…