AKA "The Writing Woman"
After more than a year of coming to terms with Rick’s death, today I came to realize that grieving is just a long-running battle with the words I tell myself in my head. There’s a voice in a continuously running monologue that tells me things that I need to either heed or ignore, words to believe or recognize as a … Read the blog
I was fine.
I made it through going to our diner for breakfast. I purposely flipped past the song that would make me cry on the way home on this dreary day.
I pulled into our driveway and for one quick second, looked at the beautiful red-orange leaves on the tree outside our bedroom and remembered that we bought this … Read the blog
I hate that I’m getting used to it.
I hate that I’m used to being single now, that I have new routines, that I’m moving on. I’ve achieved my new normal.
I hate that I’m more “myself” again. I hate that I’m coping better, that I have new goals, fresh ideas for my future.
I hate that it’s getting easier … Read the blog
As an avid swimmer all my life, I know how dangerous and unpredictable waves can be. One minute, you’re frolicking in the surf, head above water, enjoying the vibrant, alive feeling of being submerged in the cold water, floating or swimming, and having the time of your life. The next, you’re knocked off your feet, gasping for breath as you’re … Read the blog
In the first few months after Rick died, I was in a state of nearly constant anxiety. The house no longer felt safe and I felt very alone. I have lived alone (as a single parent) before in my life, and I have also lived in an extremely unsafe neighborhood, yet it had never been like this. My safe and … Read the blog
On my way to trivia finals this morning, I was reminded of last October, two months after Rick died, when I was invited to play with this same team in a trivia finals event. After Rick was diagnosed in October 2016, we rarely went to our regular Monday league games anymore. At first, he was often sick with chemo side … Read the blog
On this special day, I miss
Giving you your birthday kiss
And helping you enjoy your day
By celebrating some fun way
A movie? Dinner? Restaurant?
You’d ask, and I’d do what you want
Then rush around to find your gift
Some tech toy would give you a lift
And you were pleased so easily
Whatever gift you got from … Read the blog
I’ve always considered myself a logical person. I love puzzling out things, playing detective. Rick teased me about my supposed sleuthing skills all the time and affectionately called me Kinsey Millhone (the great fictional detective in the Sue Grafton novels). I like logic so much, I even took two logic classes in college. But if there’s one thing I keep … Read the blog
It’s just a day.
I keep telling myself that. A day has no power. A day can’t hurt you. Why did I fear waking up today, August 13th? I’ve made it this far. I made it through all the days and weeks and months after this horrible day last year, and I’ve survived.
Last year, at this very time, I … Read the blog
I’ve been writing a lot lately. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my mind that I need to get out. I know it has to do with the looming one-year anniversary of Rick’s death and the grief that evokes. I want so much to remember everything about him, his love for me, and our beautiful life together, yet … Read the blog