One of my new favorite shows, 1883, has the characters saying some memorable lines. Since I’m involved in a relatively new romance, some of the lines about love give my heart a pleasant little twinge. But a discussion about grief in the last episode left me sobbing in a way I haven’t in a while. It was that pleasure/pain … Read the blog
The second anniversary of Rick’s death is Tuesday. In some ways, I can’t believe it’s been two years. In others, it feels like he’s been gone for ages. My life has changed so much since he was here, including finally acknowledging that I’m single again. Dating other men is surreal. How can this be? I was supposed to be with … Read the blog
On this hot July day
Basking in the sun,
Eyes closed against the strong rays
Two years here alone
Two summers without you
A lifetime between then and now
But I find I’m…
Still waiting to hear the back door slam
You, back from your bicycle ride
Still waiting to feel your shadow cross my face… Read the blog
Will it always be this way?
I feel like I’m done grieving – if that’s even possible. The mornings waking up dreading the day ahead because I know how awful and painful living without him will be are over. The nights spent hoping fervently that I’ll dream of him, just to get a glimpse of him again, just to have … Read the blog
How can you be gone?
I repeat this question to myself at least once a week, sometimes out loud, usually accompanied by a silent sob.
I guess I’m getting better. It used to be several times a day, and – in the weeks after you died – it was several times an hour.
True, as life and time … Read the blog
My latest book is now available on Amazon.com. A Widow’s Words: Grief, Reflection, Prose, and Poetry – The First Year is a compilation of my essays (blogs) and poems from the year following my husband’s death.
It’s available in print and e-book versions.
How did I end up publishing my most personal thoughts in … Read the blog
… But some nights, I lie down on my side, pull the covers around me, and put out the light, and I sense him there. It’s not a conscious decision; it just happens. I feel him scooch over next to me from behind and pull me to him, and snuggle up against me. I feel the cocoon of his love, … Read the blog
I’m used to life without you
I’ve made all new routines
The quiet house seems normal now
My life’s gone on, it seems
I function out in public
Can hold my tears inside
No longer overcome with sobs
Seeking a place to hide
I’m used to traveling on my own
And tables set for one
And you not with me … Read the blog
After more than a year of coming to terms with Rick’s death, today I came to realize that grieving is just a long-running battle with the words I tell myself in my head. There’s a voice in a continuously running monologue that tells me things that I need to either heed or ignore, words to believe or recognize as a … Read the blog
I was fine.
I made it through going to our diner for breakfast. I purposely flipped past the song that would make me cry on the way home on this dreary day.
I pulled into our driveway and for one quick second, looked at the beautiful red-orange leaves on the tree outside our bedroom and remembered that we bought this … Read the blog